Building a Porch

May 17, 2012

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A  neighbor of mine from my home town is now an engineer, and he tells of his exploits in constructing a front porch. We will call him “Greg” (since that is his name). Greg said that he was frustrated that one of the blocks didn’t fit correctly. Unfortunately, it was that last block in the layer on the perimeter of the porch. And, of course, the only logical engineering solution was, as Greg did, rip out the entire layer and start over again. Perhaps this gives a clue to why many engineers get slowed down on home projects. It has to be right. It just has to be.

The sad truth is that it never turns out perfect, and engineers know it. Greg said that for months after finishing his porch, he would walk toward his front door and shudder as he thought about all the mistakes in it – all the millimeters out of skew it was, all the fractions of a degree to which it wasn’t square. I know, that seems a little too emotional for an engineer, but if the engineer is going to have an emotional involvement, it only makes sense to encounter one, not from something unquantifiable like a wife, but from something that the engineer is truly attached to, such as a porch he just designed and built. Greg did say that after many months of non-engineers, such as his wife, telling him that the porch was wonderful and how it looked good and how great it was, he was finally able to be “OK” with the results. Did he feel better about it? That’s going too far. But at least he notices the flaws to lesser extent. Maybe the non-engineers in our lives do serve a function.

First Date

May 10, 2012

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I recently talked to a wife of an engineer, an NE (non-engineer), who freely told me about the first date she had with her the man who eventually became her husband. They went to a picnic for her work. It was at a park on the other side of town. Without directions, and knowing generally where it was, they found their way there in a roundabout way. I say roundabout way because they went through many roundabouts on the way there.

When they arrived, she told colleagues about how they seemed lost and went through a number of roundabouts. But, “Ryan” (as we will call him), a transportation engineer, enhanced the conversation even more with an explanation of the design features of the roundabouts and statistics about how roundabouts reduce severe crashes by 80 or 90 percent – a lot of good engineering stuff. I think he did it to impress her. Well, from the way she still talks of it, she was impressed, although maybe not the way he intended.

Ryan was standing there as she told this story and I still get the idea that he is thinking, “Oh, yeah, I impressed her with those statistics.”

She continued to date him, and eventually got married. So maybe it did work.

Purchasing a Car – What Color?

May 3, 2012

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We will leave the act of looking for a car, analyzing which car to buy, what options, financing, etc. all to future posts. For now, we want only to discuss one of the final decisions – the color. I have gone to a dealership and when we get to that point, the salesperson asks, “And what color would you like your car to be?” They might as well be speaking Swahili. Color? Do I look like an architect?

As an engineer, I am all about function, not form. My mantra is, “Engineers don’t feel, they think.”  Colors are feeling. Is there a price difference? No? Then ask my wife. I may consider keeping away from dark cars in a southern state to compensate for the direct sunlight, but other than that, I really don’t care. Some engineers might. I consider them meandering toward architecture.

OK – One caveat, but it fits in with the function over form issue. Studies have shown that one is more likely to get pulled over and/or given a ticket if one is driving a car of certain colors. Red, I believe, is the worst by far. And although I don’t drive (excessively) over the speed limit, any advantage in not being stopped by the police is gladly taken. So I tell my wife, any color – except red.

Introducing Engineers

April 26, 2012

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A colleague of mine, a non-engineer, came back from a project meeting where engineers were only a small segment of the assembled group. They met in a small auditorium and to start off the meeting, the facilitator asked that all the different groups stand and be recognized: personnel from the environmental field, right-of-way, public relations, the building contractor, and others, were all asked to rise when their group was called. My coworker said that it when it came time for the engineers to stand, he noted the typical engineering stature that EVERY ENGINEER there assumed – slow to stand, head down, hands in pockets. I think my colleague was laughing about this. Actually, I think he still is laughing about it. But, I see it not as an introverted, socially inept pose, but rather that the engineers are humble and don’t like the attention. Whatever the root cause, look for the engineering stance next time you are in a project meeting and someone says, “Can the engineers all stand.”

Public Speaking – An Explanation

April 19, 2012

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This week at engineeringdaze, we are going to follow the exploits of the first engineer, the caveman named Tork. Tork was so advanced for his era, being an engineer, that he was frequently shunned by other cavemen. But that is another story. Today, we will discuss how Tork influenced the public speaking ability of engineers, or lack thereof.

Tork mass-produced the wheel for caveman consumers.  Actually, Tork was a consultant, making many rocks and skins for his services.  One fateful day, Tork was asked to speak before the caveman business association and unwittingly stood up on one of his wheels to give his speech.  Since a firm understanding of all the rudiments of friction was not yet in the engineers’ learning, the wheel, with Tork on it, began rolling, toppling Tork on his, shall we say, solid waste disposal unit.  After that, Tork and all engineers throughout history, when placed in front of an audience, have felt like they are trying to stand on a wheel, hopelessly teetering back and forth for a long time before finally falling on their – well, you get the picture. This not only explains why engineers are poor at public speaking, but also explains why engineers now often assume that there is a frictionless surface for most engineering problems.  Better safe than sorry.

Engineers have Tork to thank, or blame, for their public speaking woes. Tork did many good things for humankind, as engineers do now. But public speaking is not one of them.

Using a Microwave

April 12, 2012

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Engineers like microwaves. Saving time on a task is certainly important, as is the fact that it contains a lot of engineering to produce. Most of all, though, microwaves are like science fiction come true. 45 years ago, no one thought that 20 or 30 later every home in America would have a box one could place cold food in and in minutes, it would be hot. No one, except for all the Trekkies, of whom 70% were engineers.

But how does an engineer use the microwave? Speaking for myself, I have evolved over time. I first set everything at even minutes, sometimes half-minutes. A few years later, I attempted to optimize the heating to the precise amount and started entering times like 2 minutes and 18 seconds, or 1 minute and 34 seconds. This had two problems with it. First, without constant rotating (I did not have a turntable inside the microwave at the time) and stirring at regular intervals, it was always a guess as to what that precisely optimized time was. Engineers don’t like guessing. Second, and even more disturbing, is that even though I knew that I was attempting to optimize the operation of the microwave, if others saw me put in times like 2:18 or 1:34, they might think that I was some right-brained artist and that I “just felt like” using those numbers. This would not be acceptable.

Finally, I settled on optimizing and minimizing the time it takes to actually use the microwave. Now, I enter as many of the same digits as I can together, no longer looking around and taking that extra time to move my finger to the button marked 0, and certainly not 3 then 0. So, if I think the food needs 3, maybe 4 minutes of microwave action, I enter 3 minutes 33 seconds. 3 quick hits on the same button. 3:33. Much faster and within the tolerable range of heat.

The engineer evolves, and saves those precious seconds for more important things, like watching old episodes of Star Trek.

Buying a Couch, or Not – The Engineer is Beaten

March 29, 2012

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This story is from my own life. A number of years ago, we moved into our second home in a different city and got into a house that had a little more room, to accommodate our growing family. My wife looked at our family room and declared, “We need a new couch!”

As an engineer, I surveyed the situation. There was a chair. There was a beanbag seat somewhere. The family room was next to the dining area where chairs could be pulled if needed. Multiple use of furniture, and, best of all, it didn’t cost anything. A new couch would cost something – time, money, calculations, etc.

I informed my wife that we did not need a new couch but we could certainly get around any seating issues in our new family room. Her response was to call my mother. Not her mother, my mother. After explaining the situation, my mother told her to put me on the phone. The first, and pretty much the only thing I heard, was, “Buy your wife a couch.”

The engineer can be frugal, but when your own mother sides with your wife, the increasing grade of the hill ahead is just not worth it. We got a new couch. The engineer was defeated.

Mowing the Lawn – Updated!

March 22, 2012

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A couple weeks ago, I wrote about an engineer who came home from work and saw that his newlywed wife had attempted to help out with a household chore – mowing the lawn – only to find that she had mowed it in the wrong pattern! I also said, as was told to me by the non-engineer (NE) wife, that he, the engineer went out and re-mowed the lawn that evening.

I ran into another NE wife who, after reading that post, wondered if she had told me that story already because the exact same thing happened to her. She had not told me this. This was a second occurrence. However, her story was a little more insightful into the ways of an engineer. When her new husband came home and saw the lawn – again, mowed in the wrong pattern – he did not even come in the house. He started up the mower and got right to correcting this flagrant disorder, still in his oxford shirt, tie, and wingtips.

I say with Spock, “Fascinating.”

The obvious note: This second NE wife has also never mowed the lawn since.

It All Starts at an Early Age

March 15, 2012

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When is a person an engineer? Officially, a PE license helps. Educationally, a BS in engineering will do. But, an engineer is frequently an engineer beginning at a young age. Make that a very young age.

I recently got talking to the wife of an engineer in the town I live. She said that when he was very young, under 10, I believe, he loved to take things apart and put them back together, but especially put things back together. He was going to be an engineer, whether he knew the the term or not.

His grandmother used to prepare for his visits by taking apart various things around the house – lamps, furniture, kitchen appliances – and “ask” him to help by putting them back together. It may have been when he was in his 30’s or 40’s when he finally found out that those things didn’t just fall apart by themselves, or his grandmother didn’t take them apart because they weren’t working, but she actually saw the engineer in him at that early age, and, well, encouraged it.

His wife said that he still puts things back together, but that she doesn’t take them apart for him. He has to do that himself. And he does.

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