Thoughts of Tork, the World’s First Engineer

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This week at engineeringdaze, we are going to follow the exploits of the first engineer, the caveman named Tork. Tork was so advanced for his era, being an engineer, that he was frequently shunned by other cavemen. But that is another story.

Below are ten thoughts that went through Tork’s prehistoric mind on a typical day. You will see that even though Tork was a caveman, he was still an engineer, and the thoughts of an engineer are not much different today than they were back in Tork’s day.

Thoughts of Tork:

“If we not make wheels square, but round – big less in friction.”

“Maybe get water to caves through series of hollow tubes. No. Never catch on.”

“Stinks in cave. Got to work on waste disposal get-out (removal).”

“Water fall from upper pond. Could use energy to… to… do something.”

“Why cavewoman not want to be around me?”

“Not be able to talk to cavewoman anyway.”

“If only there was interconnected tubes that would bring all information of world to my cave and display on flat surface to watch.”

“If only there was magic box to hold in hand that would bring all information of world – without tubes. That be magic.”

“Hope Crog bring back rock abacus he take for hunt trip to hit animals. Need to calculate best opening size at side of cave to cool down best.”

“Got to talk at caveman meeting day after today. Nervous! Hope point with power work good.”

Public Speaking – An Explanation

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This week at engineeringdaze, we are going to follow the exploits of the first engineer, the caveman named Tork. Tork was so advanced for his era, being an engineer, that he was frequently shunned by other cavemen. But that is another story. Today, we will discuss how Tork influenced the public speaking ability of engineers, or lack thereof.

Tork mass-produced the wheel for caveman consumers.  Actually, Tork was a consultant, making many rocks and skins for his services.  One fateful day, Tork was asked to speak before the caveman business association and unwittingly stood up on one of his wheels to give his speech.  Since a firm understanding of all the rudiments of friction was not yet in the engineers’ learning, the wheel, with Tork on it, began rolling, toppling Tork on his, shall we say, solid waste disposal unit.  After that, Tork and all engineers throughout history, when placed in front of an audience, have felt like they are trying to stand on a wheel, hopelessly teetering back and forth for a long time before finally falling on their – well, you get the picture. This not only explains why engineers are poor at public speaking, but also explains why engineers now often assume that there is a frictionless surface for most engineering problems.  Better safe than sorry.

Engineers have Tork to thank, or blame, for their public speaking woes. Tork did many good things for humankind, as engineers do now. But public speaking is not one of them.

You Might Be a (prehistoric) Engineer If…

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(This is the Tork version. Tork was a caveman and the very first engineer. He is the topic of all of this week’s posts.)

– you have ever tried to calculate the speed you would have to run so that you would not get eaten by a dinosaur only to get eaten by the dinosaur because you weren’t running while you were doing the calculations with your rock abacus.

2

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This week at engineeringdaze, we are going to follow the exploits of the first engineer, the caveman named Tork. Tork was so advanced for his era, being an engineer, that he was frequently shunned by other cavemen. But that is another story. Today, we look at a number that was important to Tork.

Tork wanted desperately to  have a cave-dwelling relationship with a cavewoman. The number 2 was high in his engineering caveman mind. “If there is me, and there is her, there is 2 of us.” Though an engineer, he was still a caveman and did not have lofty thoughts. Some may think these thoughts are not much different than most any man, caveman or otherwise. But for Tork, who lived in a time when numbers were not used that much, the number 2 was special. He, being an engineer, understood that 2 meant more than him. He understood that 2 meant he had to impress the cavewoman. He understood that 2 meant possibly devising equations in order to calculate his chances with the cavewoman. Indeed, 2 was a very important number to him.

Unfortunately, Tork suffered the same difficulties that all engineers that followed him would suffer. Tork used 2 small sticks to draw in the dirt at times, and figure things out. He carried them with him in a small pouch he fashioned in his caveman “shirt”, and he held them in place with a piece of bark. Thus, he cursed all engineers throughout history by first “inventing” the pocket protector, and then being seen as too much of a geek by most cavewomen, who were attracted to the cavemen whose arms were stronger due to having to pick up big rocks instead of calculating how to live without having to do that.

Meanwhile, Tork was still hoping for: 2.

The First Engineer – Engineering Hunting

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This week at engineeringdaze, we are going to follow the exploits of the first engineer, the caveman named Tork. Tork was so advanced for his era, being an engineer, that he was frequently shunned by other cavemen. But that is another story. For now, we look at how Tork engineered hunting.

It was common for cavemen to get food by luring a tasty animal under a cliff and drop a rock on it. Unfortunatley, if they did not kill the animal, the animal would try to kill them, but, that was life as a caveman. It was Tork that worked out the relationship between how high the cliff was, and how effective it was at killing the animal, the food. He measured height (how hi) in Torks, essentially his own height. He then looked at the effect of the rock he dropped. When the animal (Fud) was not hurt, or not hurt much, the consequences to Tork were bad. When the Fud was hurt bad, Tork could either drop another rock on it, or hit it many times with a club. He worked out how many times later. Tork came up with the table below, thus engineering how to hunt for food, or Fud. It did not take him long to find out that he would only ever drop a rock on an animal from a cliff three times his height, and preferably, five times his height. Later, he would add a factor of safety and only ever drop the rock from 8 Torks high, but Tork hadn’t worked through that Factor of Safety issue, as engineers these days are so comfortable with.

Unfortunately, scientific and engineering journals were not yet invented and his findings were slow to catch on, which was OK, because his spelling was terrible.

how  hi end up with
1 Tork Fud Not Hurt, Fud Hurt Tork
2 Torks Fud Hurt, Tork Run Away
3 Torks Fud Hurt Bad
4 Torks Fud Hurt Bad
5 Torks Fud Ded